Life in Kingdom Hearts
by Gohan Roxas
Summary: AU. The Kingdom Hearts characters all live together in a mansion called, you guessed it, Kingdom Hearts! This is the story of the madness that goes on! A series of oneshots. Larxel, RokuNami, SoKai, RikuShion, TerQua. Rated T for themes and language. CAUTION: MAY CONTAIN TRACES OF MARLUXIA BASHING AND DEMYX BASHING.
1. Last Night

_**Gohan Roxas: **__And so, despite my promise to myself to finish "Wait, What?" before I started writing this, I'm making a series of oneshots!_

_**Axel: **__You evil, evil man._

_**Gohan Roxas: **__Shut up. Just for that, I'm putting you in a VERY awkward situation in the first one!_

_**Axel: **__NOOOOOOOOOO!_

**Last Night**

Axel slept peacefully. That was a surprise. He vaguely remembered getting _very_ drunk with his girlfriend Larxene, Marluxia and Roxas. After that, nothing.

Axel rolled over on the bed, content. Suddenly, he felt another person's warm breath on his face. He smiled inwardly. Obviously Larxene got in late.

He opened his eyes slightly, noticing some blonde hair. Axel's eyes shut again.

But wait…Larxene's hair is a very bright blonde. The hair he'd just seen was a dirty blonde. Kinda like…

Axel's eyes darted open in shock. Sure enough, sleeping next to him was Roxas.

He screamed.

This woke Roxas up.

He screamed.

They paused and lay there, looking at each other.

They screamed.

"What the hell?" Roxas shouted, reaching for his jeans.

"I was about to say the same thing!" Axel agreed, not moving. He delicately lifted the quilt that rested on him. "And where the fuck are my pants?"

Roxas' eyes widened. "You mean…I slept in the same bed as you…while you weren't wearing any pants?" He shuddered.

Axel's mind raced. He really hoped that what he thought had happened, didn't.

His thoughts were interrupted by pants. His own pants. They'd been thrown in his face.

"Put those on and get out of here!" Roxas yelled.

"Ya don't have to tell me twice!" Axel scrambled into his pants, grabbed his shirt, which was draped over Roxas' computer chair, and bolted out of the room.

Out in the hallway, a middle-aged man with blonde hair, a matching beard and cinnabar eyes stood, a bemused look on his face. This was Ansem, the man who ran this mansion as a share house. The mansion's name was 'Kingdom Hearts'.

"Don't say a word, old man," Axel warned.

"I wouldn't dream of it," Ansem replied in a heavy British accent. "I was only going to comment that I for one don't believe that you and Roxas did anything untoward last night."

"How did you…" Axel started, but he shut up. Ansem's intuition was uncanny. He still wasn't entirely convinced that the old man wasn't psychic.

Ansem laughed. "Marluxia is downstairs. Perhaps you wish to talk over last night's entertainment with him?"

Axel just glared at him.

**KH**

He found Marluxia in the TV room watching _New Girl_ with Demyx. Axel glared at Demyx until he moved away guiltily.

Axel plopped down where the blonde had been mere moments ago and glared at Marluxia.

"If you think pulling a face like that is going to make me stop loving you, you're wrong," Marluxia grinned. For the record, Marluxia had pink hair, an affinity for roses, and was gay.

"Shut up," Axel said hoarsely. "I wanna know why the fuck I woke up in bed with Roxas, pants-less."

Marluxia's eyes widened; he muted the TV and turned to Axel. "You and Roxas… Dish! I want all the details!"

Axel glared at him again. "I can't remember much of last night. I remember getting drunk with you, Roxas and Larx, but after that, it's hazy."

Marluxia chortled. "Well done Axel. Roxas is quite the catch."

"Will you shut up?" Axel scowled. He shuffled through his mind like it was a deck of Luxord's cards.

Axel's eyes lit up. Cards. That's it!

"Ha HA!" he exulted, jumping on the couch like he was Tom Cruise. "We didn't! We played strip poker, and I lost!"

"Wait…what?" Marluxia sounded disappointed.

"Me and Roxas…we never did…you know…"

The pink-haired man sighed. "Yes. I know."

It was at that moment that Roxas walked in, along with Naminé.

"Roxas! Can I talk to you a sec? Alone?" Axel implored his friend.

Roxas looked dubious, but asked Naminé to go on without him.

"What?" Roxas asked flatly when she left.

Axel said nothing; he was glaring at Marluxia.

"Fine, fine, I'm gone," the pink-haired man gave in. He walked out.

"Roxas, we never…er…I mean, we didn't…"

"We…didn't?"

"No. We weren't _that_ drunk. We played strip poker, and I lost."

"So how come we were in the same bed?" He said it quietly, obviously scared that Naminé was listening in.

"Well, my guess is one or both of us passed out on the bed."

"Oh…" Roxas' eyes were now calmer than they were.

Naminé walked back into the room. "So, you guys done talking about the two of you sleeping together?"

Axel's jaw dropped. "MARLUXIA!"

There was the sound of running footsteps. Marluxia was long gone.

_**Axel: **__That wasn't too bad. I've been in worse._

_**Gohan Roxas: **__And you probably will be._

_**Axel: **__Dammit, jinxed myself._

_**Naminé: **__Can I say it, Gohan? Can I? Please?_

_**Gohan Roxas: **__Haha, sure, go ahead._

_**Naminé: **__Please review this to make sure that there are more!_

_**Axel: **__Tune in next time for more "Life in Kingdom Hearts"!_

_**Gohan Roxas: **__Dude, this isn't a TV show._

_**Axel: **__I know, but it sounded cool._


	2. The Kissing Game

_**Gohan Roxas: **__Time for some mischievous, conniving Riku!_

_**Sora: **__So, just normal Riku then?_

_**Riku: **__WHAT? You are SO dead!_

_**Sora: **__No I'm not! *runs away*_

_**Riku: **__Get back here! *chases after Sora*_

_**Gohan Roxas: **__*sighs* Here we go again._

**The Kissing Game**

It was Riku's idea. He told Axel to grab his battered old trilby, and coaxed Sora to grab the top hat he'd only used at his graduation ceremony. Then he told everyone to write their names down. Guys' names went in Axel's hat; girls' names went in Sora's.

"What the hell is this, Riku?" Axel demanded, still clutching his hat.

"It's a game. I'll draw a guy's name from your hat, then a girl's name from Sora's."

"Then what?" Xion asked suspiciously.

"They kiss," Riku replied like it was the simplest thing in the world.

"WHAT?" The question came from several people.

Riku grinned. "You heard me. Alright, first…" He pulled a name from Axel's hat. "Demyx."

Demyx's beady eyes shot up, a panicked look in them.

Riku grabbed another name from Sora's hat. His eyes widened. "Aqua."

The blue-haired woman gasped. She somewhat reluctantly got up from her chair and walked up to Demyx and gave him a perfunctory kiss on the lips.

"Oh…" the blonde whimpered as he fainted.

Xion giggled. "Who knew you had that effect on guys, Aqua?"

Aqua smiled in return as she sat back down.

"Roxas!" Riku shouted. Evidently he'd picked his name out while the others were distracted.

The blonde teenager looked around nervously.

Riku laughed. "I already picked your kiss. It's Naminé."

Roxas' breathing became very hoarse. Naminé was blushing.

Kairi, who was sitting next to Naminé, picked her up and pushed her into Roxas' lap. She blushed even harder when she landed. Sheepishly, she put her hands on either side of Roxas' face and kissed him.

He apparently got caught up in the kiss very quickly. It became something a tad savage after a while.

Riku laughed awkwardly. "I wasn't expecting that. Right…" He pulled another name out of Axel's trilby. "Ooh… Sora…"

Sora nearly dropped his top hat in surprise. He didn't look at Kairi. He _really _didn't want to give himself away. To be blunt, Sora honestly wished that he and Kairi would be picked to kiss. He loved her. Plain and simple. Only one problem: Sora was hopeless when it came to women.

Riku had grabbed the top hat from Sora and given it to Xion; he pulled out a name. He smirked. "Kairi."

Sora panicked. Axel laughed. Xion giggled.

Kairi didn't do anything. She just sat there.

Naminé paused in her Roxas-kissing to give her a reproachful look. "You pushed me to kiss Roxas, Kai. Don't make me get someone to push you."

"Why get someone?" Xion asked curiously.

But Naminé was back to kissing Roxas.

"Oh…" Aqua commented. "That's why."

Axel laughed at that.

Licking his lips nervously, Sora got up from the couch and walked over to Kairi. He stopped awkwardly when he reached her; she was just staring at him.

They stayed like that for what seemed to be an eternity. The world was completely silent… Well, apart from the sound of Roxas and Naminé kissing.

"Oh screw it," Kairi muttered. She stood up, grabbed a handful of Sora's shirt and kissed him.

Their kiss was almost as ferocious as Roxas and Naminé's had been.

In between kisses, Sora was able to ask Kairi, "Will you be my girlfriend?"

"Shut up and kiss me again," Kairi replied.

_I'll take that as a yes_, Sora thought.

Riku and Axel were high-fiving. "Mission accomplished," the silver-haired teen exulted.

"Huh?" Kairi asked, letting go of Sora. Sora himself went to the sink to get a glass of water.

"Getting you and Sora together was the main focus of this game."

In the kitchen, Sora could be heard spluttering.

"But…" Kairi looked pointedly at Roxas and Naminé, who were about one minute away from taking each other's clothes off.

"Call that a bonus." With this, Riku winked at Xion, who blushed.

"Don't screw this up, Sora!" Axel shouted into the kitchen.

Sora did not answer. He was too busy choking.

**KH**

_**Axel: **__Nice work, huh?_

_**Xion: **__Whatever._

_**Gohan Roxas: **__Want more? Give me some positive reviews and you'll get more!_

_**Sora: **__*running past* HELP MEEEEE!_

_**Riku: **__*running past* SORA, YOU ARE DEAD!_


	3. The New Guy

_**Gohan Roxas: **__Time to add someone new into the mix._

_**Sora: **__Should be fun._

_**Gohan Roxas: **__Sora, why is your arm in a sling?_

_**Sora: **__Riku caught me…_

_**Gohan Roxas: **__Oh… Right._

**The New Guy**

Ansem led the tall brown-haired man into the castle. He clutched his luggage like he was afraid it would sprout legs and run away. Ansem chuckled below his breath at that thought.

He stopped at a simple room on the first floor. "This will be your room."

The man glanced around the hallway. "This place is bigger than I thought it'd be."

Ansem laughed merrily. "Well, Kingdom Hearts _is_ a mansion." He laughed again.

The brown-haired man gave him a hard look.

"Well," Ansem said then, composing himself and pulling out a key. "This is the key to your room. I'd imagine you'd need it."

The man took the key without a word and stepped into the room.

He heard Ansem walk away, still laughing.

Grumbling slightly, the man threw his suitcase on the bed and started unpacking.

His name was Terra. He was actually quite a handsome man. So much so that he had girls flocking to him. He ignored them. All of them.

There were too many girls flocking to him. That's why he found himself at Kingdom Hearts: to get away from his unwanted groupies.

When he'd finished unpacking, he stepped out of his room, intent on meeting some of the other residents. He glanced left. He glanced right. He looked straight ahead. His head darted right and froze.

There was a beautiful woman standing in the hallway in only her light blue bra and underwear.

Terra's breathing became very, _very_ hoarse. He was instantly attracted to this woman; not just because she was half-naked. She had a strange poise to her, elegance. She looked like she didn't care what anyone else thought in the slightest.

Dimly, Terra felt a tugging on his left arm. He was being dragged away.

"Word of advice," a redheaded man was saying. "Don't ogle Aqua."

_Aqua_, Terra thought dreamily. _Even her name is beautiful._

_ THWACK!_

"OW!" Terra shouted. The redhead had slapped him across the face.

"Hello? Earth to new guy? Anyone in there?"

Terra shook his head to clear it.

"No? There's no one in there? Ha, thought so."

Terra looked at his 'captor'. He had hair that made his head look like a falling comet, and he had bright green eyes.

"Name's Axel. Got it memorized?"

"Er… Yeah."

"Something else to get memorized, newbie. Try not to get too enamoured with Aqua. She's had a fair amount of heartbreak recently."

"Really?" Terra's face was intense.

"Well, her first boyfriend… Zack, his name was… they were 'going steady', as they call it. He met this girl named Aerith and fell head over heels. Aqua noticed it, so she broke it off." Axel sighed slightly. "Then there was Vanitas."

"Vanitas?"

"Aqua moved on from Zack with him. Too bad he's a nutcase."

"How so?"

"Well, he tried to kill his brother Ventus and their mom."

"_What?_"

Axel nodded sombrely. "That and threatened to kill Aqua if she railed on him."

Terra stared at the redhead.

"She didn't. Ansem did. You see, Vanitas lived here too. And Ansem's got this policy about criminals."

Terra nodded.

"So now the little sadist is stuck in a mental institution for the rest of his life, screaming some bullshit about 'Join with your better half!'."

"Wow."

"Yeah. So it'd be a good idea to stay away from trying to get with Aqua. At least, until you're sure that you won't hurt her." Axel led Terra into the TV room, where four teenagers were busy eating each other's faces.

"Guys! Can't you do that in private? We have a new guy!"

The teens stopped kissing and looked at Terra inquisitively.

"Everyone, this is…er…" He looked at the tall brunette. "I never got your name."

"It's Terra."

"Right, right." There was a buzzing coming from Axel's jeans. "Op, that's me." He pulled out his phone and glanced at the message. "Oh… Wow. Er…" He chuckled nervously, and his hands started to shake. "Sorry, guys, you'll have to introduce yourselves. I have some business to attend to in Larxene's room." He bolted up the stairs.

Terra sat down nervously as Sora, Kairi, Roxas and Naminé introduced themselves. "So," he asked, "what do you guys know about Aqua?"

**KH**

_**Gohan Roxas: **__Obsessive much?_

_**Terra: **__What? I like her._

_**Axel: **__*facepalms* I told you to stay away!_

_**Terra: **__Sorry._

_**Riku: **__You should know by now Axel… A guy who's in love never listens._

_**Gohan Roxas: **__Please review! PLEASE!_


	4. Spooks

_**Gohan Roxas: **__Sorry it took me a while to update. I was abducted by my girlfriend._

_**Axel: **__You have a girlfriend? Holy crap._

_**Gohan Roxas: **__Do you want me to put you back into Roxas' bed?_

_**Axel: **__Shutting up now._

_**Gohan Roxas: **__Didn't think so._

**Spooks**

"Remind me why I let you do this?" Sora complained to Roxas as he changed into his costume.

"Because it's Halloween, Sora," the blonde replied.

"And…?"

"And what?"

Sora facepalmed. "Forget it." He walked over to the wall mirror and took in his appearance. He had a black hood over his ridiculous brown hair, and the design of a pumpkin over his right eye. He had fangs in his mouth, and his clothes were a mismatch of black and grey. On his back were two medium-sized bat wings.

"Ya know, I don't actually look that…" he started, turning back to Roxas, but froze. "What the hell?"

Roxas' costume was exactly the same.

"Dude…" Sora whined.

"What? It's an awesome costume."

Sora facepalmed again. For a person who could plan an entire Halloween party, Roxas sure could be a moron.

**KH**

The hall was, as they say, jumping. People mingled with each other, regardless of who they are. Even Luxord and Vexen, two notorious recluses, were here; Luxord was dressed as Setzer, a character from one of his favourite video games, while Vexen wore a long white lab coat, with test tubes and pens in his pocket.

"Not bad, Roxas," Sora complimented. "Not bad at all."

He couldn't see the blonde's answering grin, but he felt it.

Sora nodded his head towards a table, where Ansem's kitchen staff had prepared food. "You go eat. I'm gonna look for Kairi."

"I had a feeling you'd say that," Roxas laughed.

Sora grinned in response as Roxas walked away.

"I've been waiting for you," a familiar voice said behind him. Sora turned. It was Kairi. Her costume was similar to his own, but instead of a hood she had a black wig on. Her wings were not a bat's, they were instead black angel wings.

"Wow… You look great."

Kairi grinned and held out her hand. "Dance?"

Sora bowed sardonically. "It would be my pleasure, my dear." That made Kairi laugh again. Grinning, he took hold of her hand and led her to the dance floor.

Half an hour later, they slumped into chairs, laughing breathlessly.

"Ohh, that was fun!" Sora said loudly. He wasn't one for dancing, but he'd make an exception for Kairi.

Kairi giggled again. She was doing that more than often tonight. Sora gave her a look. "What's so funny?" he asked.

"Oh, nothing," Kairi replied in a cutesy voice. "Just…you." She gingerly put his head between her hands and kissed him, regardless of his fangs. It was a very passionate kiss, more so than usual.

"_Sora?_" a girl's voice shouted from nearby.

Shocked, he broke off the kiss with Kairi and looked in the direction of the voice. Roxas was standing there with a girl who was wearing a similar costume to Kairi. _Must be Naminé,_ Sora figured.

"Sora?" Kairi asked, shocked. Sora gave her a strange look. Why would she be shocked that he was Sora? Unless…

_Oh shit._

"Naminé?" he shouted. "You're Naminé?"

"Yes! B-but, I-I thought y-you were R-roxas!" Naminé stammered.

"So that means…" Sora's head swivelled slowly to _Kairi_, who was standing next to Roxas. He couldn't see it, but he was sure that Roxas was blushing.

Kairi huffed and stormed out of the room.

"Kairi! Wait up!" Naminé yelled after her. She dashed after her.

Sora sat there, dumbstruck. He was dead. His relationship with Kairi was as good as dead. And he'd probably broken up Roxas and Naminé, to top it off.

Roxas pushed down his hood and sat next to Sora. "Um…if it makes you feel any better, Kairi mistook me for you."

Sora's head bolted upwards. "How the hell is that meant to make me feel better?"

"Well…" Roxas floundered, "I guess it means that you weren't the only one in the wrong tonight."

"Yeah, maybe, but Kairi's gonna hold this against me, that's for damn sure."

"And Naminé will probably kill me tomorrow," Roxas added.

They sighed. Sora slammed his hand into the back of Roxas' head.

"What the hell was that for?" Roxas whined, rubbing the back of his head.

"Let's think," Sora snarled. "Neither of us would be in this mess if you weren't wearing the same costume as me!"

"Oh…right."

Sora shook his head in disbelief.

"Things are gonna be a little complicated now," Roxas said after a prolonged silence.

"A _little?_"

**KH**

_**Sora: **__Why would you do that to me?_

_**Gohan Roxas: **__Sorry. It just popped into my head._

_**Roxas: **__Great. How're you gonna fix this?_

_**Gohan Roxas: **__I'm not. *points behind me* He is._

_**Riku: **__'Sup?_

_**Sora & Roxas: **__WHAT? _


End file.
